Jesus Effing Christ!

Double Feature Program Bill

It's Amazing! It's Stupendous! It's Spectaculariffic! It's the Double Bubble Toil and Trouble Duality of Man in one easy to swallow pill! It's the Jesus Double Shot! Hey you (yes you!) bring the kids, bring the neighbors, bring the extended family (just don't bring any gays, atheists or liberal freethinkers) to JESUS CAMP! Your host, renowned insane asylum escapee Becky Fischer, will lead you through the mesmerizing, sanctifying and terrifying tangled web of non-reason that is Jesus Camp. You will learn that "children are so usable in Christianity." That's right, they're "usable." Holy Jesus P. God! She's going to make them into Christian soldiers who will march onward to reclaim America for Christ. I bet you didn't even know it belonged to him. You'll learn from brainwashed campers that some churches are "dead churches" (those would be the non-crazy ones) and that God doesn't necessarily visit them. You see, "depending on how they invite him, he'll be there, or not." Betcha didn't know that either! You'll be amazed as you discover that fuzzy yarn collector George W. Bush "has really brought some real credibility to the Christian faith" And Ted Hagard (absolutely no skeletons in his closet, NONE!) informs us, "If the evangelicals vote, they determine the election." If you liked the terrifying journey into the darkest reaches of humanity that was Deliverance you'll love Jesus Camp (only it's a LOT SCARIER!).

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

The gays, atheists and liberal freethinkers you had to sneak in the back door are now more than welcome for the bottom half of the bill, THE GOD WHO WASN'T THERE! Best send the first group home though or they are not going to be happy Jesus campers for long. Your host, sane, logical, rationale Brian Fleming, will show you some of those same crazy types from the first movie, only this time we get to laugh at them! Brian does bad, awful mean things like use EVIDENCE, DEDUCTIVE REASONING, LOGIC and INTELLECT to make a strong case that... hang on to your hats... Jesus never even existed! Holy Crap! Then what the hell's that camp all about? You'll hear distinguished professor Robert Price say, "There are other similar savior figures in the same neighborhood at the same time in history: Mithras, Attis, Adonis, Osiris, Tammuz, and so forth, and nobody thinks these characters are anything but mythical. And their stories are so similar, most of them, in fact, having some kind of resurrection or another, sometimes even with celebrations after three days and so forth, that it just seems like special pleading to say, "Oh, well, in this one case, it really happened." BLASPHEMY!!! Oh I know somebody who's going to be firing up the George Foreman for Satan in Hell. His name starts with a Robert. Oh my!

It's splendorfully filled wonderment! It's the Now You See Him, Now You Don't Double Bill of Mythical Fun! Come one, come all! Praise be to Mithra! It's Jesus Effing Christ as you've never seen him before, and according to Brian, no, you haven't ever seen him before. It's The Jesus Double Shot!

DON'T MISS IT!!!

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And now for a moment of seriousness: I found both of these documentaries fascinating to watch but obviously walked away with profoundly different feelings. The evangelicals of Jesus Camp are abhorrent human beings who brainwash children into believing that homosexuality, liberalism ("liberalism is dead!") and freedom of thought are evil things. They home school their children and actually teach them that, "science has never proved anything" and that "creationism is the only thing that provides the real answers." The Becky Fischer who runs the camp is a study in demonism. She is bereft of insight, self-reflection or logical thought. She possesses exactly zero critical thinking skills. I found this camp and these adults horrifying to every moral instinct I possess. And I felt immeasurably sad for the brainwashed, indoctrinated children. One of them early on expresses disbelief in parts of the Bible and in the existence of God. He is clearly an intelligent child who could become a productive, free-thinking member of society. By the end he is indoctrinated into their cult and it made me want to cry. I sincerely hope that the spark of reason he displayed early on will stay with him and re-ignite itself before it's too late.

As for The God Who Wasn't There it is a cheaply made documentary using video for most of the production and coming in at a scant 43 minutes. The production values may be low but the content is rich. Fleming does occasionally go overboard with his assertions and belabors some of his points on Jesus' non-existence but it is a powerful personal diary of a film. You see, Brian Fleming was a born-again Christian who had an intellectual awakening. The last ten minutes of the film are riveting as Brian visits the evangelical fundamentalist school that taught him that to deny the Holy Spirit would mean an eternity in Hell. He interviews the Principal of the school who becomes testy and walks out on the interview once Brian begins asking hard questions about indoctrinating children into mythology when they are too young to make up their own minds. He asks the Principal how moral is it to frighten children into believing they will be eternally punished for denying the existence of a spirit they cannot see or feel. The principal leaves after threatening to sue if any of the footage is shown, which of course it is, and no lawsuit followed. We are then brought to the climax, and it is one that moved me. Brian and his cameraman walk into the Chapel where Brian relates stories of sermons that filled him with fear and reminds us once again that they were taught what Jesus said in the Bible, that if any man denies the Holy Spirit he will spend an eternity in Hell. Brian then turns to the camera and says, "I deny the Holy Spirit." The end.

See them together. With running times of less than 90 minutes for Jesus Camp and 43 minutes for The God Who Wasn't There you can see both in less than two and a half hours. Jesus Camp lets you know the dangers that await this nation if it does not awaken from its slumber and The God Who Wasn't There reassures us that even the most rigidly indoctrinated can awaken from their nightmare and allow the truth to seep in through the cracks. And surely we've all got two and a half hours to spare for that.

This has been a part of the Double-Bill-a-thon hosted by Broken Projector.

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End Credits: Shocktober Willies List - Eight Men Out

Ed Hardy, Jr of Shoot the Projectionist has published the 12,893 titles that made the final nominating list for 31 Flicks that give you the Willies. Okay, it's not that many, it's actually 181, but damn that's a lot. I sent in my 31 and of course felt like I wanted to re-submit the whole damn thing once I saw the results. It's that title, Flicks that give you the Willies, that threw me off. I wasn't selecting what I thought were the best horror movies ever, or in some cases not even horror movies period, but instead movies that contained moments that creeped me out or to use Ed's words, gave me the willies. As a result, eight of my picks did not make the final cut but given how many different movies there are to vote for I imagine most people had eight or more not make the final cut. I won't bother giving you my entire 31 since 23 are on the nominating list and several are pretty obvious anyway: The Exorcist, The Brood, The Shining and so on. Instead here's the eight that were on my list that did not make the final willies cut over at Ed's with a brief explanation of why they were on my list.

1. Altered States 1980 Directed by Ken Russell and introducing the world to the slightly off-center acting style of William Hurt (it is impossible to imagine more perfect casting in this role) Altered States has a couple of shots that gave me the willies when I first saw it and still do today. First there's the shot of the proto-human that Dr. Jessup (Hurt) has become chasing the janitor in the basement of the University. Second there's the hallucination sequence with burning bibles and the figure of the Anti-Christ on the cross, complete with a goats head of many eyes and horns. Creepy.

2. Child's Play 1988 Demonic dolls creep me out and since I couldn't do television (Ed the taskmaster and his rules) I couldn't do Talking Tina from the Twilight Zone or the Zuni fetish doll from Trilogy of Terror and since I haven't seen a lot of demonic doll movies otherwise but wanted to include one that left me with Chucky. The moment in the movie that willied me the first time I saw in 1988 was when Catherine Hicks picks up Chucky unaware and demands he talk. That's when his eyes open menacingly and boy does he talk.

3. Deliverance 1972 Directed by John Boorman and starring Ronny Cox, Jon Voight, Ned Beatty and Burt Reynolds this film's reputation precedes it. Which is why I was more than a bit surprised it didn't make the cut. Believe me when I tell you that backwoodsmen with shotguns forcing oral sex and fornication with logs on weekend campers gives me the willies. Shiver.

4. Doctor X 1932 I had a feeling this one wouldn't make it but I really enjoy it a lot and the synthetic skin covering Doctor X at the end is creep-a-riffic.

5. Jesus Camp 2006 This is no joke entry. In fact, it would be the only movie on the list that contains characters that actually really do scare me in everyday life. Preaching to children to become warriors to re-claim America for Christ, home schooling their children in anti-science creationist ideologies, viewing sensible, rationale people (you know, people who understand evolution, understand the founding fathers didn't claim the land for Jesus, consider George W. Bush and Richard Cheney menaces to civilization) as evil, or at the very least, the enemy. The little kid Levi who preaches at his dad's cult-house (in the movie they call it a church) about global warming being a liberal fantasy, homosexuality being evil, etc, etc, etc. This whole movie will give you the willies - Trust me.

6. Love Story 1970 Okay, this one's kind of half-joke, half-real. Ali MacGraw's character of Jenny is decidedly not the same character from The Getaway. She couldn't die fast enough in this movie for me. The first line of the movie tells you she's going to die, "What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died?" so when you meet her and she starts calling Ryan O'Neal "prep" every five seconds you immediately think, "Is she twenty-five yet?" Every line that comes out of her mouth in this movie gives me the willies. Making a movie like this means having to say you're sorry every day for the rest of your life.

7.Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 1971 Little menacing men with orange faces and green hair taunting little children and their parents with "I told you so" songs after their torturous demise. And there weren't two more of you out there as creeped out by that as me?

8. Wizard of Oz 1939 Yes, yes I know, like the three preceding it this isn't a horror movie but the list asked for films that gave you the willies. And willies for me as a child is easily defined as blue flying monkeys that gleefully abuse tin men, lions and scarecrows while hauling off a young Kansas girl to her inevitable death at the hands of a Wicked Witch. And if that's not enough for you how about sinister talking trees that throw apples at you. This movie has many wonderful moments, but it is also Willie-Filled.

So that's the eight that didn't make it. I look forward to casting my vote but already feel outclassed in the horror genre by so many of the people participating who are horror junkies and know much more about it than me. Still, it should be fun and I may even learn a bit more about the genre beyond the 1980's. And Ed, if some girl named Jenny shows up at your blog calling you "prep" run for you life!