A Day May Come...

Hold your ground! Hold your ground!

Sons and Daughters of Blogspot, of Wordpress, of tumblr and Movable Type, my brothers and sisters, I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of bloggers fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship...

But it is not this day.

An hour of wolves and shattered laptops, when the age of blogs comes crashing down...

But it is not this day!

This day we blog!!

By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you stand, Bloggers of the West!

You're Just a Little Mixed Up

Fox: [referring to the subjects of Jonathan's critiques] Have you ever seen any of your victims?

Jonathan: Victims? Don't be melodramatic. Look at the DVD playing on the monitor. Tell me Fox. Would you really feel any pity if one of those pixels stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand Euros for every pixel that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many pixels you could afford to spare? Free of income tax, old man. Free of income tax - the only way you can save money nowadays.

Fox, you're just a little mixed up about things. ...in general. Nobody thinks in terms of human beings. Film critics don't, so why should we? They talk about the actors, and the characters... I talk about the suckers and the mugs... It's the same thing. They have their top ten-film plan, and so have I. Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in America for 10 years under the blogs they had flame wars, comment spam, hacking, and Windows Vista, but they produced Dennis Cozzalio, dissent and discussion, TOERIFC and the Movie Blogaissance. In the 90s they had web sites - they had 8 years of consensus and agreement and no comment sections, and what did that produce? Harry Knowles. So long Fox.

Are they really?

JONATHAN (TO BILL): You think you know something, don't you? You think you're the clever little blogger who knows something. There's so much you don't know, so much. Do you know the movie world is a foul sty? Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of movie studios, you'd find swine? The movie world's a hell. What does it matter what happens in it? Wake up, Bill. Use your wits. Learn something. The cities are full of movies, cgi-movies, ideas, dead ideas who've spent their lives making fortunes, being recycled again and again.

And then they die and leave the new ideas to the studio heads, the silly studio heads. And what do the studio heads do, these useless people? You see them in their concept meetings, at the best Oscar parties, every day by the thousands, drinking the money, eating the money, losing the money on cocaine and prostitutes, playing all day and all night, smelling of money, proud of their botox but of nothing else, horrible, faded, fat, greedy studio heads...

BILL: But they're alive! They're human beings!

JONATHAN: Are they? Are they really Bill? Are they human or are they fat, wheezing animals, hmm? And what happens to animals when they get too fat and too old?

I'll Be There

I'll be all around in the dark.
I'll be everywhere.
Wherever you can look.
Wherever there's a fight, so restless readers can be entertained, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a critic beatin' up a favorite genre, I'll be there.
I'll be in the way guys yell at the climax of an action picture.
I'll be in the way kids laugh when an actor takes a pratfall,
and when the people are watchin' the movies they make
and watchin' them in the movie palaces they build -
I'll be there, too.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

...I've traveled over half the internet to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new film and photo blog was coming in at Blogspot and I had to see about it. That blog is now flowing at two to three posts a week and it's paying me an income of zero dollars a week. I have two others blogging, The Invisible Edge and Cinema Styles and I am one of sixteen blogging in harmony at The Oldest Established Really Important Film Club. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a blog man you will agree. I do my own blogging.

I'm a family man- I run a family blog. This is my son and my partner, H.W. Lapper. We offer you the bond of family that very few blog men can understand. I'm fixed like few other blogs in this field. I have a string of posts all ready to go. I can load a screengrab into my photoshop and have a new banner up in a day. I have connections so I can get bad puns for the banner tagline; such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start posting again regularly this week now that Christmas is over and I've put up this post to back my word. I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there...

... okay, so I'm exaggerating. Of course they'll be there. We'll all be there. And Oscar will be there, that Golden Boy who throws his weight around Hollywood once a year, starting now and finishing up just weeks before Spring. Last year the man in the picture, Daniel Day-Lewis, took home the Best Actor Oscar and Javier Bardem took home the Supporting Actor Oscar (and don't we all already know who's taking home that award this year?). Here are two other former Best Actor and Supporting Actor winners... when they were boys. And they are?

Future Best Actor



Future Best Supporting Actor (pictured here with his sister)