Pony Expressionism

So I'm watching TCM Saturday night... uh, I mean... I'm out partying Saturday night with my peeps and hanging with my lady and... oh alright, so I'm home and we're watching TCM. Anyway, the first feature, 3:10 to Yuma, is over and it's only 9:36 so I'm thinking, "We're going to get a One-Reel Wonder to fill the time until 10," and wouldn't you know it, that's just what happens. As the One-Reel Wonder intro kicks in I start getting excited.

"Oh boy," I ask myself out loud, "what's it going to be tonight? Ooh, ooh, I hope it's one of those Boy Friends shorts they put on occasionally. Remember the last one, Ladies Last, directed by none other than George Stevens, where the boys refuse to go to the dance because the girls want them to wear tuxedos? Ha, ha oh my. That was hilarious!"

"Okay, okay," says my lovely wife, "calm down. Let's just wait and see."

"Boy Friends, Boy Friends, Boy Friends," I chant in wild expectation.

Then the short starts. It's in color from 1940 so I know it's not The Boy Friends but my disappointment is only temporary as I see the title, Pony Express Days.

"Hooray!" I exclaim, "A short historical narrative about the Pony Express!"

Then I see the cast and in the starring role is none other than Brent Tarleton/Clark Kent/Superman himself George Reeves.

"Oh boy, this is going to be good!"

As our story begins, Billy (George Reeves), is told he's too big for the Pony Express. The maximum weight allowed is 125 pounds because they ride those ponies fast across the plains and too much weight, along with the added weight of the mail, could cause events to occur that would be hard to work around. Like, for instance, the pony could die. And that would be hard to fix. So Billy is rejected but still gets to work for the Express at a relay station where he keeps the next pony ready. See what happens is, the rider switches ponies about every tenth of the way, and then takes the next pony to the brink of horrible exhaustive death all in the name of getting the mail from Missouri to Californ-I-A!

Billy is stuck at the relay station with some annoying old guy who claims he's a master buffalo hunter but he's really just a stupid drunken half-wit. Billy hates him. So anywho, there's this subplot going on over in California. Seems these Southern sympathizers are trying to get California to join what will become the Confederacy but there's a problem. They suspect that that meddling prairie lawyer from Illinois, Abe Lincoln, will get elected and if California gets the news in time they won't join the Confederacy, which hasn't even formed yet as South Carolina did not secede until December 20th of 1860, more than a full month after Lincoln's election. But somehow these guys just know there's going to be a Confederacy. They also know Lincoln will be elected. They further know that California is just itching to join the Confederacy, which doesn't exist yet, but if they find out Lincoln won the election they'll be all like, "No way Jose, we're not joining now!" So right there you've got some serious dramatic tension going down.

Okay, so, back to the Pony Express. They ride fast across the plains and the Indians there ignore them. I guess because they're so fast or maybe it's just because the Indians think they're totally awesome. Well, that's a problem for our Southern sympathizers. One of them finds some crooked Indians and pays them to kill the Pony Express riders so that word of Lincoln's election never reaches California (imagine if this plan had worked and people living in California today we're still asking, "So who was the 16th President? Doesn't anybody know?").

The Indians start shooting the Pony Express riders. Shooting them! One of the Pony Express riders rides into Billy's relay station shot. He can't go on and Indians have surrounded the cabin. Oh no! What's going to happen now? It was at this point that I hung my head low, "It's all over," I said, "Now California will join the Confederacy, when it forms I mean."

"Don't be so pessimistic," said my wife, reassuringly, "Something unexpected might just happen."

"Yeah sure," I said, utterly defeated, "I'm going to get a drink. I don't need this kind of downer right now."

"Wait!" shouted my wife.

I turned back around to face the screen and what do you know! Billy hops on the pony and takes off!

"Impossible!" I exclaimed, "He's too big! The pony won't last!"

And Billy didn't just jump on that pony. No. He didn't sneak around the back where the Indians couldn't see him. Hell no! He hopped on that pony, drew both six shooters from his side and rode RIGHT AT THEM!!! Man, there must have been 10 or 12 of them and not one, NOT ONE, managed to pull off a shot anywhere near Billy but Billy - oh boy! - he took 'em all out as he blasted his way through their defensive lines! I don't have to tell you (or maybe I do) that right about now my wife was readying a spoon in case she needed to hold down my tongue to keep me from choking on it due to all the excitement.

Then guess what happens. The pony, and Billy, become too exhausted to go on.

"I knew it," I said, bitter and resentful of being played for a fool by this short, "I knew it was too good to be true."

So there's Billy, exhausted and beaten, laying on the ground by his exhausted and beaten pony. All he needed to do was get to the border fort at California to drop off the mail but he couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it.

And then...

Are you ready...

Really ready...

He hears Reveille! Oh joy! Bliss! Rapture! The fort is just over the hill. He made it!!! The word goes out to California that Lincoln won the election and California decides against joining the not-yet-existent Confederacy. Whew, that was a close one.

So the story's over. Yep, what more could they possibly do at this point? And that's when it happens. As Billy walks away with that drunken half-wit we get the final AMAZING twist! The half-wit mentions something about buffalos and Billy thinks it might make a good nickname for himself. "I like it," Billy says, "Buffalo Bill. Buffalo Bill Cody."

Holy Crapola!!! It was Buffalo Bill the whole time! As the tears streamed down my face I turned to wife and said, "One day, I'm going to make a movie just like that, you wait and see."

"I know you will sweety," she said, reaching out for my hand, "I know you will."

Today marks the first day of what will be known in the future as my "Pony Expressionism" period. Pony Express Days, you will live in heart forever. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Now how about an episode of The Boy Friends? Those guys crack me up.

You Get More, More, More with Morlocks

Recently I sat down with Richard Harland Smith of TCM's Movie Morlocks for a brief interview about the making of Frames of Reference. Well, okay, actually I sat at my computer and he at his and we e-mailed each other questions and answers but you get the idea. It's brief but provides some insight into the making of the movie so please give it a look if you like. Some of the interview had to be edited for length (at the last minute it was mutually decided that a full description of my anal warts was inappropriate to the task at hand) but the basic idea of what I wanted to get across is there. And thanks to Richard for being understanding of a few edit requests wherein describing an opening scene idea I came off sounding like a disturbed sociopath. Hey, it happens. Enjoy, and if you've not yet viewed Frames of Reference (and recommended a viewing to 10,000 of your closest friends) please do so. Thanks.

Kate Would've Made A Lousy Blogger...

... especially if this was her banner.

Katherine Hepburn enjoyed her private life. She didn't like giving interviews or talking about herself. Last year on TCM they ran the two part Dick Cavett show from the early seventies where he interviewed her and it was wonderful. The first night there was no audience at her insistence. So most of the first interview is very quiet with Kate seeming ill at ease and anxious. Eventually, though, by the second night enough people had gathered from the studio to make an audience and she was more comfortable talking about things. Which leads me to...

Stars and the public, or more specifically, paparazzi. I've never approached a celebrity for an autograph myself although I've seen several. I've even had casual conversations with famous folk without letting on that I even knew who they were. The last time was a couple of years ago when I chatted with erstwhile CNN anchor Bernie Shaw at a famous world leader's funeral (you really want to know what I do don't you?). I bummed a smoke from him and we talked about the deceased and the media coverage and when he mentioned his own interview of him I reacted with a "so that's where I've seen you" faux surprise.

I'm not saying it's wrong to recognize famous people and I'm sure to some extent they enjoy it. I'm really talking about invading someone's space ala the paparazzi. I'm no big fan of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan (apologies to Kim Morgan) but I have a genuine sympathy for the fact that they are hounded and followed endlessly. I don't like it when I hear someone say, "Well if they don't like the fame they shouldn't have gone into that profession." But you don't not do something you love because fame goes along with it.

Most of us have jobs we could very well do without, I know I do. But take something you love doing, really truly LOVE doing. And then imagine that no matter what it is, it is only possible if fame accompanies it. Are you really going to give up something you love because of that? If so, why? Why would you stop doing something that gives you fulfillment because of a certain amount of hardship that follows?

So, yes, fame accompanies celebrity, but that doesn't mean they've given up their right to eat in a restaurant without being interrupted every five minutes. Which is why I've never approached anyone for an autograph (although I have gone to a signing because I just had to meet Chuck Berry). I think to myself, "How many people before me have approached them today? Was the last one just two minutes ago and they're just trying to walk to the damn store?"

So there's my take on it. It's just a personal call of my own, not saying it's something I expect everyone to do or agree with. And I think a good amount of celebrities enjoys recognition and fan adulation and are gracious and appreciative of it. But my favorite moment of fan recognition has always been the scene in King of Comedy. It's early in the film and Jerry Langsford (Jerry Lewis) is walking down the streets of New York. People are waving and saying "hi" and getting the occasional autograph until one woman takes it too far. The problem is, the woman doesn't realize this has been happening all morning (like I said, that's why I don't approach) and Jerry's running late. She praises him and he gives her an autograph and then says he has to go when she asks him to speak to her nephew in the hospital. Her response?

"You should only get cancer! I hope you get cancer!"

It's unsettling and hilarious all at once. Oh and please ignore Kate's sign. I don't want anyone to go away. I love doing this too much and fortunately blogging does not bring on the paparazzi so I have no worries. Although I hear Dennis Cozzalio can't walk to work in the morning without being stopped a thousand times. I feel for you brother, I really do.

Oscar Turns 80, Cinema Styles Does Not

Starting today on Turner Classic Movies (TCM) is their annual 31 Days of Oscar.

In celebration of this yearly event here are some picks from the schedule (no not 31 picks - that's too many and this isn't a poll). I've avoided any and all Best Picture winners as they have their own aura of fame about them that renders a personal recommendation list, well, non-personal. Also I've avoided picks like Casablanca (also a Best Picture winner) and Citizen Kane, not because I don't love them, I do, but because if you're reading this you've seen them, probably multiple times. Of course since TCM is doing a month of nothing but movies nominated for or recipients of Oscars there's nothing in the schedule that would be unfamiliar to many readers either. Okay, enough. Here are my ten picks for the month from the TCM schedule.

*The Trip to Bountiful (1985) - Feb 2. It's been a long time since I've seen this so I look forward to watching it again. Geraldine Page gives a remarkable performance that deservedly won an Oscar.

*Atlantic City (1981) - Feb 2. Excellent study of desperate people connecting with each other then moving on with their lives. As directed by Louis Malle it is a beautiful piece of work.

*A Nous la Liberte (1931) - Feb 4. Released in 1931 and directed by the great Rene Clair this film is famous for two reasons (aside from it being excellent that is): One, it was the first non-English sound film to receive an Oscar nomination (for Best Art Direction) and Two, its production company, Tobis, sued United Artists and Charlie Chaplin after the release of Modern Times over plagiarism saying certain story elements (factory workers reduced to cogs in the machine, hitting the road at the end) had been lifted. The case dragged on past World War II and Chaplin finally settled but refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing. And right he was. If you're going to sue people for using "elements" of your story, every fourth film released would be sued by somebody somewhere.

*Libeled Lady (1936) - Feb 6. This is one of the best screwball comedies of the thirties and it's barely known to modern audiences. Even many cinephiles who love My Man Godfrey, The Thin Man and other William Powell comedy classics are unfamiliar with this one. It boasts Powell with regular co-star Myrna Loy as well as Jean Harlow and Spencer Tracy. It's just great!

*The Best Man (1964) - Feb 11. Politicians vying for the Party's nomination battle each other at the convention. Cliff Robertson's men have a never publicized nervous breakdown on Henry Fonda to sling but then Fonda's man, played by Kevin McCarthy comes up with something big on Robertson. Really big. As in political D-Y-N-A-M-I-T-E! Who will blink first?

*Rasputin and the Empress (1932) - Feb 18. Why see this? Because it's got all three Barrymores together that's why: Ethel, Lionel and John.

*The Thomas Crown Affair (1968) - Feb 21. It's not the greatest film in the world and yes, it has some relatively vast breaks with reality (Faye Dunaway figures out Thomas Crown's masterly planned robbery in the beginning in about 17 seconds) but it has a great sixties look to it and a great sixties, streamlined feel. Steve McQueen and Dunaway look great together and there's that song, before Sting recorded it.

*Portrait of Jennie (1948) - Feb 26. Yes, it's a little sappy and schmaltzy but you know what else it is? Addictive! He's (Joseph Cotten) obsessed with a girl (Jennifer Jones)- or is it a ghost - and won't stop until he understands what happened to her leading to one of the most amazing dream sequences ever put on film (especially considering the time it was made - the storm special effects are incredible). Directed by William Dieterle (criminally underrated director of the 1941 masterpiece The Devil and Daniel Webster, which sadly is not on the schedule).

*Seance on a Wet Afternoon (1964) - Feb 28. Career performance by Kim Stanley in a great little film. Easily the best performance of 1964. The next best being Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove, . By the way, neither won. It was Julie Andrews for Mary Poppins and Rex Harrison for My Fair Lady. I'm just saying.

*The Day of the Jackal (1973) - Feb 29. Love this movie! Love it! Edward Fox is excellent as The Jackal and Michael Lonsdale as his pursuer Lebel excels as well.

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P.S. A special mention for The Naked Prey, which I will not have a chance to see and which airs today. It has just recently been digitally restored and released on DVD. Since I've never seen it in it's proper form (only on commercial television sad to say) I'd love to see it today but my schedule does not allow and I have no means of recording it (also sad to say). But if you'd like a recommendation from someone who has seen it recently go here now.