... I'll tell you what you've done. You built a bridge. A really good bridge. For the enemy. See, here's the thing. When the enemy says, "Hey you, build me a bridge," you say, "Sure why not, I'll build your bridge for you," and then you use like, I don't know, bubblegum or something to hold the supports together. And then you're like, "Oh damn, the bridge collapsed again. Man that really sucks! Guess we gotta start over." And then the enemy, Colonel Saito, slaps his hands up and down his face like Curly from the Three Stooges and steam comes out of his ears and he's all like, "Nicholson!!! One of these days..." as he waves his fist at you. And then you just laugh and say, "Oh, you mean you want the bridge to stay up? Why didn't you say so! Lieutenant, we must use stronger bubblegum. And twine!" And then everyone laughs and Saito says, "Why I oughta..." as he wags his finger at you and then when he turns to leave he slips in the mud and falls smack down on his ass. Big laughs all around.
See that's how it's supposed to work. But no, not you. You go all out and build the goddamn Golden Gate Bridge for this son of a bitch like you're trying to get into his pants or something. I mean, what the hell? It's like he's your hero. Hey, maybe you and the guys could start mowing his lawn on the weekends and fix that leaky sink in the kitchen his wife's always complaining about. While you're at it why don't you start wiping his ass for him too? I mean, hey, why should this guy do anything for himself? He's got you, Colonel Nicholson, eager puppy and willing bootlick.
I gotta be honest here: The only way you could possibly redeem yourself in my eyes at this point is if took a header onto that ignition plunger over there and blew this whole damn...
... Oh... well... never mind. Good show old man! Jolly good!
